


Russian Arsonists Society

by LemmyC0re



Category: South Park
Genre: Arson, Brief Underage Drinking, Craig Tucker Being An Asshole, First Kisses, Fluff, How do I tag this without spoiling the plot, Junkyards, M/M, Mama’s boy Craig, Piercings, References to Shakespeare, Shakespeare, Tutoring, Tweek is feral, Twerks, fluff?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-18 17:27:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29372304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LemmyC0re/pseuds/LemmyC0re
Summary: Craig never realized just how simple he was until he met Tweek, a beautiful train wreck with the taste of excitement, adrenaline and insanity dripping off his tongue. Craig has never loved a flavor more in his life.
Relationships: Craig Tucker/Tweek Tweak
Comments: 14
Kudos: 61





	Russian Arsonists Society

**Author's Note:**

> Yoooo  
> I am working on Puberty II, I promise!! But I started something else and also this.  
> I’m not very good at detail and description like I said before, but I hope you enjoy
> 
> Edit: PLEASE I JUST REALIZED I LEFT THE TWERK TAG IN THERE  
> I WROTE IT IN BECAUSE I DIDNT KNOW WHAT TO PUTSNSNBNEND I WAS SUPPOSED TO DELETE IT

“Sorry, I can’t.” Craig sighs.

“Aw, why? You never wanna go anywhere with us!” Clyde whines loudly, yanking Craig’s sleeve. 

“I don’t have any money, dude.” he shrugs.

“You know I can pay for you, right? I’m not selfish.” Token offers.

Craig sighs, shutting his locker. He doesn’t wanna cost his friend any money. He feels like he’s taking advantage of his friends if they offer him stuff or pay for his meals.

“No, Toke. I’m not gonna make you spend money on me. Plus it’d feel more gratifying if I earned my own money.” He shrugs.

“Whatever, dude. Suit yourself,” Clyde says disappointedly. “We’ll be having tons of fun without you.” 

“Don’t say that, Clyde. It’s not the same without Craig,” Token frowns, patting Craig on the arm. “See you tomorrow, man.”

“Yeah..”

It’s not that Craig doesn’t want to hang out with his friends. It really isn’t an excuse, his pockets are empty. 

He’s afraid to work in retail since he admittedly doesn’t have a very good track record when it comes to keeping his cool. He loses his temper way too easily and he’d rather not apply for jobs at all than lose them because he got angry and did something stupid.

There’s also dog walking, but Craig doesn’t like dogs. He’s more of a cat person. Dogs are loud and rambunctious and cats are quiet and reserved, more Craig’s speed. And then there’s babysitting but he’s no good with kids. Manual labor isn’t even an option. No way is he mowing someone’s lawn for two dollars.

But he wishes he could hang out with his friends more often. Clyde, Token and Jimmy are always going out and doing stuff with each other and Craig misses out on all of it. Token is already loaded _and_ he has a part time job at a nursing home, Clyde works at his dad’s shoe store and Jimmy babysits. Jimmy has always been great with kids and moms love him so they pay extra. He actually does surprisingly well off of babysitting.

He spills all his woes to his mom. While he loves the guys, his mom is his best friend. He tells her everything. It’s embarrassing, but he loves Laura Tucker wholeheartedly.

“Well, you could try tutoring.” She shrugs.

“What?” He laughs, face dropping when he realizes that she isn’t. “You’re serious?”

“Yeah, you’re super smart. You could tutor for money,” she takes a sip of her tea. “Maybe just for a little bit, not all year.” She says.

“Oh, please. Who would willingly be tutored by me? I’m a notorious dick.” He huffs. 

Plenty of people are aware of Craig’s attitude. It doesn’t make them _dislike_ him per se, but more like they steer clear of any sort of situation he may or may not get pissed off in.

The only people who really see past his assholery are his mom and the guys. 

And then there’s the girls who are attracted to it, but they don’t really see past it. They just want to be the one to soften his exterior because they read too many romance novels and fanfiction. He’s not into them anyway. Their intentions or their tits. 

“Well.. what about someone you don’t know yet,” her eyes light up. She has an idea. “There’s a new coffee shop.” 

“And what does that have to do with people I don’t know?”

“The owners have a son. English isn’t their first language, maybe you can tutor him,” She offers. “Helen, his mom, said something about needing someone to teach him since they can’t.”

“Maybe..” he shrugs.

“Would you like to meet him first? I haven’t spoken to him but he helps out at the shop and he looks like a nice kid.”

“Uh..” this is his only chance to make money so he can hang out with his friends. “Yeah, sure.”

He has no idea what he’s getting himself into.

They’re meeting at the kid’s parents’ coffee shop. His mother is a small thing with a kind smile. He’s been watching her work from the table he’s sitting at and she seems really sweet.. which is why it shocks him so much when he hears her yelling from the back room in a language he doesn’t understand. There’s someone yelling back at her and after a few minutes there’s an elongated silence. He worries that someone may have been killed until the doors swing open and she and a small blonde boy walk out with sweet smiles plastered on their faces. The blonde tugs off his jade green apron, tossing it at his mother who points to Craig. His hair is wild and he has a mischievous glint in his eyes. His ripped, black skinny jeans hug his waist nicely. He’s wearing doc martins. He kind of looks like one of those rebellious shit starters.. definitely a troublemaker, but it doesn’t reduce the heat in Craig’s stomach when he hooks his lip ring on his tongue, tugging it into his mouth and rolling it between his teeth.

He walks over to Craig’s table, sliding into the leather seat in front of him.

“You are Craig?” He hums quietly, looking him up and down. 

He has an accent, but Craig can’t pinpoint what it is exactly.

“Uh, yeah. And your name is?” He holds his hand out.

“Tweek.” Tweek, as he said, grasps his hand firmly, shaking it.

“Tweek? That a.. nickname?” He raises his brow.

A sly smile spreads across his face and he chuckles, shaking his head ‘no’.

“Your parents named you after the coffee shop? Or.. the coffee shop after you?” 

Tweek shakes his head. “The coffee shop is named after _them_. Last name is Tweak with an e-a, I am Tweek with two e’s.” After hearing him speak, Craig realizes his accent is a very defined Russian.

“So.. your name is _Tweek Tweak?”_ He tries to suppress a laugh as not to offend him.

“ _Da_. It’s okay, laugh.” His smile is genuine. He has a gap in between his teeth. 

Craig lets a chuckle escape his mouth. 

“Funny, no?” He laughs with him.

He seems like a really fun kid. Maybe this won’t be so bad.

“Your English seems pretty good. You sure you need a tutor?” 

“Speaking is one thing.. reading and writing is another,” he tilts his head. “The English language is shit. This means this but it also means this, first tense, past tense.. none of it makes sense.” 

“You have a point.” He chuckles. 

“My mom pays you?” 

“Not yet, but if I tutor you then.. maybe.” 

“Mm.. or she could pay you and we could not do the whole.. teaching thing?” He presses his index finger against the table. His nails are painted red.

“Well that wouldn’t be very fair.. she’s paying me to teach you.”

“Do you even want to do this?” He crosses his arms over the table, resting his head on them.

“Not really, but it’s unethical if I-“

“Ethics.. wouldn’t you rather hang out withme like friends and earn money off it?” He bites down on his tongue, grin spreading across his face. His tongue is pierced, too. “ _No one has to know._ ” He whispers.

He feels Tweek’s foot nudge his own underneath the table.

“I don’t even know if I’m going to tutor you at all, let alone.. fake tutor you.” He scoffs. 

The offer is tempting, it really is. Getting paid to essentially do nothing? Anyone would be enticed. Especially if the person offering had a face like Tweek’s. 

A pretty face paired with an alluring accent.. Craig’s only a man. He’d be lying if he said Tweek wasn’t attractive.

He sits back up. “You would be tutoring me.. just not in English. You could teach me about other things. Preferably not science or maths.. non school related.” His persuasion attempts are oddly adorable. Adorable, but frustrating.

“Let me make it clear, I’m being paid to tutor you in _English_. Not math, science, or any other weird shit you wanna get me into.” 

Tweek pouts, eyebrows furrowing a bit. “You’re quite boring.” 

Craig scowls. “You’re quite _bratty_.” 

“You’re quite _uptight_.” Tweek leans over the table.

“You’re quite _annoying_.” Craig does the same.

“You’re quite _cunty_.” He leans in closer.

“You’re quite _pushy_.” He leans in further, jumping when their noses touch. 

Tweek looks him up and down. “You’re quite handsome.” 

He leans back, slouching in the diner booth and licking his teeth, tongue piercing rolling as he does so.

Craig’s cheeks flare. He stutters, mouth opening and closing.

Tweek raises his eyebrow, silently prompting him to say something.

He doesn’t know whether he should feel attracted to him or pissed off.

“Christ, you’re a handful.” He clenches his teeth, trying to avoid losing his temper.

“You have hands, no?” 

Craig scowls, fists clenched. Is this what people mean when they say their blood boils? His stomach literally feels hot with anger and, though he hates to admit it, desire.

“Has nobody ever told you ‘no’ before?” He gestures with his hands.

“Mm.. not that I recall,” the blonde has an amused smile on his face that pisses Craig off to no end. “So we start tomorrow after school?” 

“He called me.. cunty!” 

Clyde snorts, covering his mouth. “I’m sorry- I-“ he starts giggling uncontrollably. 

“Clyde!” Token hisses, slapping him on the arm.

“He’s got a p-point dude,” Jimmy shrugs. “You can be a bit of a c-c-cunt some times.” 

“People have called you worse before, I don’t get why you’re so pissed off.” Token says.

“It’s because no one’s ever rendered him speechless,” Clyde smirks. “Craig Tucker got put in his place by some flirty, Russian kid with piercings.” 

“ _I did not get put in my place!_ ” He argues, slamming his fist down on the table.

A few people in the cafeteria turn to look at him. 

“Jesus..” Clyde mumbles. “Maybe it won’t be so bad. You said he was fun at first, right?” 

“That was before he called me a boring, uptight cunt.” He growls.

“A _h-ha-handsome_ , boring, uptight cunt.” Jimmy says, shrugging to say ‘at least there’s that’.

“He’s a dick, alright?” Craig spits. 

“I dunno, dude. If you can get past calling you a cunt, he seems pretty cool.” Token shrugs.

“You’re supposed to be on my side!”

“I’m not on anyone’s side! I just think he could be a fun dude to hang out with!” He defends himself. “Like him or not, you’re more or less being forced to tutor him.”

“Have fun with your new, Russian boyfriend.” Clyde teases.

“He’s not my boyfr-!” Craig doesn’t even bother finishing his sentence since all his friends are getting up and leaving already. “Jesus fuck..” 

“Are you even fucking paying attention?” 

Craig has been tutoring Tweek for almost a week now and he’s learned absolutely nothing. It’s not that he’s not smart, he just isn’t fucking trying. Everyday after school he’s forced to deal with the blonde. Tweek starts going to school next Monday and all the guys keep asking when they get to meet his _‘Russian boyfriend’._

“I am paying attention. I just don’t get it, when do I apply this to my life? What does grammar matter? I speak, you speak, nobody gives a fuck.” The blonde complains.

“It’s not just about speaking, it’s about sounding professional and intelligent.” Craig explains.

“What if I wish to become a.. ah..” he gestures with his hands trying to find some sort of example. “An escort! Nobody cares about profession or class.”

Craig sighs exasperatedly. This kid will literally do anything before he masters the English language. “I don’t know, okay? I don’t know when you’re gonna use any of this stuff, I just know that you have to learn it now. And fucking don’t become some hand whore.” 

“You care this much about my future?” Tweek clings onto Craig’s arm.

He promptly shakes him off. “No. Just cooperate with me, here.”

Tweek groans in annoyance, leaning on Craig’s shoulder again. He rolls his eyes, attempting to shrug him off once more, but this time the blonde doesn’t seem to want to comply. “Let’s do something else.”

“I’m not getting paid to do something else. We’re doing fucking English.”

“I don’t understand any of it! And I probably won’t _ever_ , so let’s do something else.” 

“You don’t understand because you don’t fucking wanna understand! You’re just not trying! That’s your whole problem!” He snaps, slamming his hands down on the table. This effectively gets Tweek off his shoulder. “God, you’re a fucking pain in the ass!” 

After trying to keep his cool for such a long amount of time, he just snapped. He hopes he doesn’t punch him. He really doesn’t feel like getting into a fight in his own house.

To his surprise, Tweek starts laughing. He furrows his eyebrows in confusion.

“You have stick up your ass.” 

“What?” He scoffs accusingly.

“Large, metal one. Do you ever let loose?” He runs his tongue over his lip ring.

“I don’t have time to let loose. I wanna succeed.” He rolls his eyes.

“You can be successful and still have fun sometimes. You are tense, stressed. No wonder your temper is lost so easily.” 

Tweek has only known Craig for roughly a week and now he’s psychoanalyzing him? Who does he think he is?

“You have heard the phrase ‘ _Carpe Diem’_ I assume?” He twirls his hair around his finger.

“Yeah. Seize the day. What does that have t-“

“Come with me.” The blonde grabs his bag and stands from his chair, holding his hand out for Craig.

“No, I’m supposed to be tutoring y-“

He fixes him with a stern glare. “I am not asking.”

Something about Tweek makes Craig listen. He takes his hand and allows him to tug him along. 

“Where are we going?” He groans.

He signed up for teaching English, not a field trip.

“To seize the day, _moy drug._ ” 

They don’t talk the entire way, Tweek being uncharacteristically quiet other than humming a few songs. They also never drop each other’s hands. 

“How far are we gonna walk? Where are we even going? It’s getting dark, we should-“

“So many _questions_.” Tweek groans.

They stop abruptly, Craig stumbling on his feet. He looks up at a large, wired fence. And then at what’s behind it.

“You brought me to a junkyard?” He says, unamused.

“ _Da_.” 

“What are we meant to do, look at tr-“ he cuts himself off when Tweek flings his bag over the fence and climbs it, dropping down to the other side. 

“What the fuck are you doing?” He hisses.

“ _Carpe diem!_ ” 

He’s officially fucking crazy. Is this trespassing? Are they trespassing right now? They could get in serious trouble for this.

“Are you going to follow me in or not?” 

“No, obviously!” 

Tweek starts to giggle, hands grasping the fence. 

“What’s so funny?”

“Look at us,” he says. “We are like Romeo and Juliet. Separated by large fence as opposed to families.”

“That would imply that we’re lovers.” 

“Are we not?” 

He can’t help the heat in his cheeks. It’s tempting to humor the blonde, but he shakes the thought away.

“No, we aren’t. Now, get back out here so we can get back home.” 

“But we came all this way,” Tweek pouts. “Join me or no, but I’ll just be over here.. getting into all sorts of trouble with no supervision..” he says, feigning innocence.

He feels conflicted. It’s incredibly risky to just hop a fence into a junkyard. Obviously the fence is there for a reason.. but Tweek is so persuasive. He blames it on the accent. Plus, the smile on his face is hard to say no to. 

“Jesus christ, fine!” Craig climbs over the fence, hauling himself up over the top and jumping down.

The ground is completely covered with rocks which crunch when he lands.

“Oh, Romeo. I knew you’d come for me.” Tweek attaches himself to Craig, rubbing their cheeks together.

“Check yes, Juliet,” He shoves the blonde off of him. “What are we doing here?” He wants to get this over with already.

Instead of a verbal response, he’s being dragged further into the junkyard, rocks crunching underneath their feet. Tweek rummages through the garbage with his bare hands.

“Take your pick, Romeo.” He holds up a large metal pipe and a baseball bat with a crack in it.

He hesitantly grabs the pipe from Tweek’s hand. Hopefully he doesn’t contract Tetanus or something.

Tweek hums, reaching into his bag. Before Craig can react, he’s reaching up and pulling goggles over his head, adjusting them over his eyes. He does the same for himself.

“What are you-“ 

He jumps, cursing when Tweek swings the bat at an old box TV once, twice, three times and smashing it to bits. 

He turns back to Craig, smiling wildly. Only he could make destruction look so beautiful.

“Now you try.” He scans the yard, eyes lighting up when he sees a wooden crate.

He drags it over to Craig, gesturing to it. 

“I don’t know..” 

“Go on, it won’t hurt.” 

“I don’t think it’s a good idea-“

“Just smash it.” 

“Tweek-“

“Go ahead.”

“I don’t th-“

_ “Christ, just fucking hit it!” _

Without thinking, he pulls the pipe back and brings it down hard onto the crate. It slightly collapses in on itself. He swings it again, the wood snapping. He rams the pipe into the crate until it’s successfully smashed into nothing but a pile of planks and chips. 

It feels so fucking good. It feels.. _liberating_. He turns to Tweek with an absolutely elated smile on his face, the blonde cheering and wrapping his arms around his shoulders.

He squeezes his waist, the two of them cackling loudly.

“See? How does it feel?” He has one hand placed on Craig’s cheek, the other behind his back, clutching the bat.

“Fucking amazing.” He admits. 

Tweek lifts his goggles up over his forehead, effectively messing up his hair further. That familiar, mischievous glint in his eyes has increased tenfold.

“Let’s go fuck shit up.”

They spent a good few hours smashing things to bits. Craig decided to walk Tweek back to the shop since he didn’t want him walking all that way alone since it was getting dark. From there, his parents would take him back home after work. It’s completely dark by the time they get to the coffee shop. 

Tweek slips his arm out of Craig’s. “ _Spasiba_.”

“Don’t worry about it. I had fun tonight.. thanks.” He admits. 

“Obviously. I know how to have a good time.” 

Craig chuckles, ruffling his hair. “You’re pretty fun, I will admit.”

“I see you soon?” He tilts his head.

“Yeah, sure.” 

He stands up on his toes, pressing a very firm and sloppy kiss to Craig’s cheek.

“Goodnight, Romeo.”

“Night, Juliet.”

The guys met Tweek on Monday. They all kinda loved him and they thought he was super funny. Clyde wouldn’t stop talking about the boy who made Craig _‘his bitch_ ’.

They asked him about his piercings and if they hurt, to which he replied “With enough alcohol in your system you’d never feel a thing.” Which is probably code for “I was blackout drunk and I don’t remember.”

He’s still tutoring Tweek and he’s actually started cooperating better. He’s really smart when he wants to be. Somehow he even manages to make learning grammar fun in his own little way. They’re constantly laughing through it. Craig never had this much excitement in his life until Tweek. Maybe he _is_ boring.

Nonetheless, he has tons of fun with the blonde.

They’re currently reading a play script, Shakespeare’s _Romeo and Juliet_. Tweek’s choice. He wanted to do it for fun, not even related to tutoring, because he said he feels like they’re connected to it. It’s kind of sweet. Tweek is leaning into his shoulder, breath hot on his neck.

“So.. she is not asking his whereabouts?” 

“No.. more of.. she’s asking why he is who he is.” He shrugs.

“Why is anybody anybody? Out of all the people I could be, why Tweek with two e’s? Why are you Craig? There is no true answer, she asks stupid questions.” 

Craig chuckles softly. “We might just make a philosopher out of you, yet.”

“Ah. Philosophy. I’m not boring enough for philosophy.” He scoffs.

“Philosophy doesn’t have to be boring. I think it’s really interesting, actually.” 

“Says you, my beloved Montague.”

“Why do you judge, my beautiful Capulet?” 

Tweek shrugs. “One must always judge, Romeo. It is a way of life. We cannot help it, we question everything. It’s in our nature.”

“See? Philosophy.” 

“ _Poshel na khuy._ ”

Craig chuckles, leaning against Tweek who kisses the underside of his jaw. 

They hang out at the junkyard quite a bit. Either smashing stuff or just talking and hanging out.

Tweek digs his foot into the rocks on the ground.

“Say, Romeo,” he starts. “You think that has gas in it?” He says, pointing to a car sitting out in the yard.

“Why? It’s not like we can drive it anywhere.” 

“I don’t want to _drive_ it.” He stands, tugging Craig with him.

He drags him over to the car, inspecting the outside of it.

He tugs on the handle which doesn’t budge. He hums in thought, picking up a rock from the ground and smashing it into the window, triggering the alarm.

“What the fuck, Tweek?” Craig shouts.

The blonde reaches into the window, unlocking the door from the inside.

“Be careful! There’s glass.” He attempts to grab him, but he’s already climbing in to look around.

“Oh, look,” Tweek smiles, holding up his find. “We get lucky.” He dangles a set of keys in front of Craig’s face.

“Who just leaves a key ring inside a car?” 

“Crazy peoples. Maybe the car is stolen. Or owner died.” Tweek shrugs like it’s no big deal, starting up the engine.

He turns to Craig with a grin on his face.

“That smile scares me.” 

“Do you wanna see something cool?” The blonde says, wrapping his arms around Craig’s neck.

“Depends on what.”

“Fireworks.”

“Okay, now I’m really getting scared.” He chews his lip, stomach flipping with worry when his arms uncurl from around his neck and go reaching for his bag. 

Tweek unzips his bag, tugging out a rag and a bottle.

“Is that alcohol?”

“It’s not _not_ alcohol.” He takes a swig straight from the bottle before soaking the rag in it.

“You just have this stuff on you?” His eyes widen when he watches Tweek stuff the rag into the gas chamber and tug a lighter out of his pocket. “Woah, woah, what the fuck are you-“

“Run.”

“What?”

“ _Go!_ Over there somewhere. Far.” Tweek shoves the bottle into Craig’s hands, gesturing for him to run.

“Tweek, you’re insane. You’ll melt your face off!” Craig hisses.

Out of all the things this boy has done, this one is beyond crazy. He could die.

It’s no secret that he gets off on adrenaline, but this could literally end his life.

“Go or don’t, either way I’m lighting this.” He shrugs. 

“Tweek-“

He sets fire to the rag and the second he does Craig grabs him by the hand, yanking him to duck behind a garbage pile.

Tweek stops, digging his heal into the ground. 

“Tweek!”

“I dropped my lighter!” He reaches down to pick it up and the moment he clutches it into his small hand, Craig is bolting with him in tow. 

Their feet skid on the rocks as they slide to a halt, running into each other and clutching tightly onto one another’s arms.

They turn to look at the car which is still for a second before it pretty much explodes, erupting into flames. Tweek cackles, cheering loudly.

His lungs burn, head spinning. He’s mixed between feeling fear and relief. Tweek has no trace of either emotion it seems, just pure elation.

He turns to Craig, kissing him roughly on the lips.

His heart is pounding, both from the kiss and the fact that he could have exploded. Tweek tastes like alcohol and the cheap, strawberry chapstick he got from the dollar store.

Craig’s mind pretty much goes into overdrive. So much is happening at once and it’s driving him crazy. 

He shoves Tweek off, watching his smile falter.

“What’s wrong?” He runs his fingers through Craig’s hair. 

“Why did you do that?” 

Tweek’s fingers cease their path through Craig’s hair. “Because I wanted to.. I don’t see the issue,” His voice wavers slightly. “I thought you felt the same..”

He does. He _really_ fucking does but he shouldn’t. Tweek is fucking insane. He almost got them killed for fucks sake! He just doesn’t know how he can do this. He’s a loose cannon. 

“I don’t!”

“Bullshit!” Tweek scoffs, but his resolve falters slightly. “You.. I was so sure-“

For the first time since he’s met him, Craig is viewing Tweek in an unsure state. He no longer looks confident in himself or whatever it is he’s about to do or say. He looks vulnerable, even.

“You were wrong, okay? You’re a fucking thorn in my side! The only reason I even hang out with you is because I’m getting paid to!” He spits, Tweek backing up and flinching slightly at his tone. 

He watches the tears spill down the blonde’s face, his shoulders trembling slightly as he tries to stop crying.

“I really fucking liked you, asshole..” he shoves Craig backward before walking off and jumping the fence.

Instantly, he’s hit with a wave of regret.

He drags his hands down his face. “Fuck..”

What the fuck did he just do?

He slams the front door, pressing his hand to his eye. 

“Jesus, what happened to you? You smell like roadkill barbecue,” His mom jokes, pausing when she realizes he’s upset. “Craig? What’s wrong?”

He crosses the room in quick strides, burying his face into his mom’s shoulder. She always knows how to make him feel better.

“I messed up..” he chokes out.

“You wanna tell me what happened?” She rubs his back.

He nods.

She sits him down on one of the stools at the counter and pours him a glass of tea. 

“It’s Tweek.. I said something really awful to him. He kissed me and I freaked out.. it’s just.. he was right when he called me boring. I’m so boring that I finally felt true excitement for the first time in my life and I pushed him away because it scared me.” He covers his face with his hands. Tweek was a beautiful mess. An artist that painted Craig’s life with feelings he’d never felt in his life. An arsonist that set his insides on fire and watched him burn from the inside out, bursting into flames. He was a poet that spoke sonnets, enchanting his ears with his voice alone. 

Tweek was so many things. So many terrifying, amazing things and Craig just tossed him aside like it was nothing.

“Do you think you can fix it?” She asks.

“I don’t know.. I made him cry.” 

His mom hums low in her throat, stroking his hair. “Maybe if you explained it to him? I’m sure he’d understand.” 

He shrugs. “I don’t know. I think I really screwed up this time..”

He extinguished his arsonist’s flame and spilled his artist’s paints. He wrangled his poet by the neck, ensuring he would never speak again. He threw away his beautiful mess. 

“Hey, Craig. Where’s your Russian doll?” Token asks when Craig sits down at the lunch table without Tweek.

“He’s pissed at me.” 

“Right. Tweek doesn’t get pissed off.” Clyde snorts.

Craig just gives them a pitiful look, frowning and resting his chin in his hand. That only made him feel worse. It’s the fact that it takes a village to piss Tweek off and he managed to do it on his own. 

“Wait, dude d-did you seriously make him m- m- ma- piss him off?” Jimmy gawks.

“What the hell, man? What did you even do?” Clyde frowns.

“He kissed me and I freaked out and told him he was a thorn in my side and I only hung out with him because I’m getting paid to..” he drops his head onto the table the second he says it.

God, he’s pathetic.

“Craig..” Token says disappointedly. “Why would you say that to him?”

“Yeah. I mean I knew you were an asshole, but.. ow! Token!” Clyde whines.

Craig has been tearing himself up over this already, but he deserves it from Clyde and the rest of the guys, too.

“I don’t know.. I just freaked out. I really fucking like him. He makes me feel things I’ve never dreamed of feeling.” 

“What are you like, in love with him or..” Clyde jokes, face falling when he sees that Craig is actually considering it. “Dude, are you?”

Is he in love with him? What would that even feel like if he were? He never had time to fall in love with anyone and now Tweek has forced him to make time with nothing but a smile. Tweek had, in a way, achieved what all those teenage girls had been clawing after when it came to Craig Tucker. Instead of softening his exterior with affection and sweet gestures, he forcefully broke it down bit by bit with a metal bat and red nail polish. 

And it’s exactly what Craig needed. He had spent his entire life stoic and tense. A notorious asshole amongst the students in South Park. 

No one could melt his exterior down no matter how hard they tried. If they wanted to make their way past it, they had to work to tear it apart. 

That’s what Tweek did. And he’ll do anything to bring him back into his life.

“I think I know what I need to do.”

This is by far one of the most idiotic plans Craig has ever had. This time, though.. he’s following through with it.

He’s spent his entire life not taking chances, and then this beautiful blonde boy with a personality equivalent to a firecracker, hell, even dynamite shows up and changes everything within a week of knowing him. When you light the fuse it’s a rush of fear and adrenaline and excitement.. which fades into awe once you see the beautiful explosion of colors and smoke. 

So.. that’s how he found himself walking all the way to Tweek’s house in the dark, freezing cold and determined.

He hesitates before climbing over the fence to his backyard, but he reminds himself of how fearless Tweek was when he first climbed the fence to the junkyard with him.

“ _Carpe diem._ ” He whispers, jumping the fence.

Once he’s successfully in Tweek’s backyard, he takes a moment to look around. He’s actually never seen the back of Tweek’s house before. He guesses the decorating was mostly Helen. She was in charge of decorating Tweak Bros. and she has quite the eye for interior and exterior design.

He takes a deep breath, pulling a pebble out of his pocket and staring at it in his hand. He’s already made it this far..

He chucks the pebble at Tweek’s window. No response. He throws another one and then a third, sighing with relief when the blonde yanks his curtains open, scowling when he sees him.

“Tweek!” He calls out.

Tweek flips him off from the window. Yeah, he deserved that. 

“Tweek, open the window.” He begs. 

He smiles brightly when Tweek pushes his window up, his scowl deepening.

“My dad’ll blow your brains out if he hears you,” Tweek scoffs. “Go home, Craig.” Before he can shut his window, Craig calls out again.

“Tweek, wait! Just hear me out!” He holds his arms out before dropping them back to his sides.

“ _Net!”_ He goes to close his window again. Craig has to think fast. He says the first thing he can think of.

“I take thee at thy word!” 

Tweek freezes, hands dropping from the window.

“I take thee at thy word,” he repeats. “Call me but love, and I’ll be new baptized; Henceforth I will never be Romeo.” He recites, voice shaky and desperate.

Tweek’s facial expression doesn’t change, but he can see that glint in his eye returning. 

“What man art thou that thus bescreen’d in night so stumblest on my counsel?” Tweek responds. 

Craig’s eyes widen for a moment. He’s a damn good actor. He should have known. He takes a deep breath, continuing.

“By a name I know not how to tell thee who I am: my name, dear saint, is hateful to myself, because it is an enemy to thee; had I written it, I would tear the word.” 

A sly smile paints itself onto Tweek’s face. 

“My ears have not yet drunk a hundred words of that tongue’s utterance, yet I know the sound: Art thou not Romeo and a Montague?” 

“Neither, fair saint, if either thee dislike.” Craig shrugs. 

Tweek raises his eyebrow. “How camest thou hither, tell me, and wherefore? The orchard walls are high and hard to climb, and the place death, considering who thou art, if any of my kinsmen find thee here.” 

“With love’s light wings did I o’er-perch these walls,” he gestures to Tweek’s fence, causing the blonde to giggle. “For stony limits cannot hold love out, and what love can do that dares love attempt; therefore thy kinsmen are no let to me.”

“If they do see thee, they will murder thee.” Tweek seems a bit more stern with this one which reminds Craig that he did happen to say his dad would blow his brains out. 

Nonetheless, he continues.

“Alack, there lies more peril in thine eye than twenty of their swords: look thou but sweet, and I am proof against their enmity.” 

“I would not for the world they saw thee here.”

“I have night’s cloak to hide me from their sight,” he gestures reassuringly. “And but thou love me, let them find me here: My life were better ended by their hate, than death prorogued, wanting of thy love.” 

Acting is so much easier when there’s truth to what you’re saying, as Craig has found.

“By whose direction found’st thou out this place?” 

“By love, who first did prompt me to inquire; he lent me counsel and I lent him eyes. I am no pilot; yet, wert thou as far as that vast shore wash’d with the farthest sea, I would adventure for such merchandise.” 

Tweek shakes his head to signify he’s not reciting an entire monologue, causing Craig to chuckle and move on.

“Lady, by yonder blessed moon I swear that tips with silver all these fruit tree tops-“

“O, swear not by the moon, the inconstant moon, that monthly changes in her circled orb, lest that thy love prove likewise variable.” Tweek frowns.

“What shall I swear by?”

“Do not swear at all; Or, if thou wilt, swear by thy gracious self, which is the god of my idolatry, and i’ll believe thee.”

“If my hearts dear love-“

Tweek holds his hands up. “Well, do not swear: although I joy in thee, I have no joy of this contract tonight. It is too rash, too unadvised, too sudden; too like the lightening, which doth cease to be Ere one can say ‘It lightens.’ Sweet, good night! This bud of love, by summer’s ripening breath, may prove a beauteous flower when we next meet. Good night, good night! As sweet repose and rest, come to thy heart as that within my breast.” 

Tweek looks absolutely breathtaking right now. He isn’t sure if it’s the flowery language or if he’s just naturally ethereal, the moonlight illuminating his pale skin. He looks as if he’s glowing. Juliet’s lines sound as beautiful as ever soaked in Tweek’s Russian accent.

“O, wilt thou leave me so unsatisfied?” 

“What satisfaction canst thou have tonight?” 

Tweek had insisted that they read the story over and over. He enjoyed it the first time he read it through with Craig and it’s helped a lot to improve his English. In teaching Tweek English, Craig even picked up a few Russian phrases. Basic ones, and Tweek taught him all the swear words, but he did pick some up.

“The exchange of thy love’s faithful vow for mine.”

“I gave thee mine before thou didst request it: and yet I would it were to give again.” Tweek’s smile grows with every line he delivers. The gap in between his teeth is fully exposed.

“Wouldst thou withdraw it?” Craig says this one with a bit more worry. He fears Tweek may not want to be with him anymore after what he said. “For what purpose, love?”

Tweek’s smile softens. “But to be frank, and give it thee again. And yet I wish but for the thing I have: my bounty is as boundless as the sea, my love as deep; the more I give to thee, the more I have, for both are infinite.” 

Craig’s heart swells. Even if they’re just reciting play lines, he knows they’re both truthful in what they’re saying. 

“I hear some noise within; dear love, adieu!” Tweek turns over his shoulder for extra effect. “Anon, good nurse!” He turns back to Craig. “Sweet Montague, be true. Stay but a little, I will come again.” Tweek holds his fingers up, shutting his window and closing his curtains.

Craig rocks back and forth on his feet, chewing his nails. 

Tweek opens the sliding door, walking out onto the porch deck.

He sighs in relief. “Tweek.”

“You really are a cunt.” He spits, but his eyes are joyful.

“I know.. I deserve every word you wanna hurl at me right now. I just..” he sighs, walking slowly towards the porch. “You were right. I am boring and uptight. Until you came along, I had never felt so much excitement and rage and adrenaline.. you made me feel so many things at once in such little time and it was.. overwhelming. It freaked me out, so.. I tried to get rid of you and force myself back into my wall that you had successfully broken down. You’re just insane in the most beautiful way and I’ve never felt so alive until I met you. Honestly I think I might be in love with you? But it scared me. You’re so beautifully destructive and you ignite something in me that I never felt before. There’s something so freeing about being with you.. I know it doesn’t excuse what I said, but.. I hope you can forgive me. I need you, Tweek.” 

He fears the worst when he goes silent, staring Craig down for what feels like forever.

“Think fast.” 

“Wh-“

Tweek jumps all three of the porch steps, launching himself into Craig’s arms. It’s abrupt, but he manages to catch him by the waist, swinging him around in a circle.

The blonde presses his lips firmly to Craig’s and they melt together in a passionate embrace.

That same strawberry chapstick taste is still there, just without the vodka. It still tastes good, though. It tastes like Tweek. Tweek wraps his legs around Craig’s waist.

He bites down on his lip ring, tugging lightly. His stomach heats up in response to the low sound Tweek makes. He parts his lips, allowing Craig to lick into his mouth. Their tongues wrestle in their mouths, Tweek’s tongue piercing adding to the sensations each time Craig runs his tongue over it. Outside of their messy lip lock, Tweek is all hands. His hands refuse to stay still, carding through his hair, clutching at his shoulders, running up and down his arms. Craig winces slightly when his nails scrape down his bicep. It stings like a motherfucker, but for some reason has him groaning in delight. 

Craig pulls back first, a line of spit connecting their lips. 

They pant heavily, Tweek’s hands finally finding a resting spot on Craig’s face. 

He lowers him down to the ground, allowing him to steady himself. 

He gently trails his hands down Craig’s face, brushing his fingers against his lips. He drags his fingers down his chin, trailing saliva down his face.

It should be gross, but it’s not. This is the calmest he’s ever seen Tweek, other than that time he fell asleep during tutoring.

“So.. it only takes you this long to fall in love with me,” Tweek grins, chest still heaving. “I believe this is new record for me.”

Craig chuckles breathily, pressing his forehead against Tweek’s. 

“How many people have fallen in love with you before?” He mumbles, lightly stroking the blonde’s hair.

“Many. But.. you’re the only one I ever loved back..” he whispers. 

Craig presses his lips lightly against Tweek’s, opting for a more gentle kiss this time. The blonde meets his wishes, kissing him softly. There’s less tongue this time, it feels slightly more intimate like this.

“I love you.” He runs his thumbs over his cheekbones.

“I love you like I love the air in my lungs or the blood in my veins.” Tweek says quietly.

Craig snorts. “What does that even mean?”

“It means you were apart of me from birth, though I did not always acknowledge it. I adore you whether or not I choose to say it out loud. You keep me alive. It means we are soulmates. You are my breath and blood.” 

How can he just say stuff like that so calmly? Craig feels like his heart might beat out of his chest with how it’s racing. 

“How poetic of you.” 

“I am philosophical poet.” Tweek shrugs.

“I’m not very good at poetry, but god I fucking love you.” He presses several kisses to Tweek’s lips, reveling in the way he giggles and clutches his shoulders.

“I should probably go back inside.” 

“Yeah.. I should go home, too. It’s late.” He squeezes Tweek’s hand.

“One more?” 

He laughs softly. “Sure, one more.” He pecks Tweek on the lips one last time.

“By and by I come: to cease thy suit, and leave me to my grief: Tomorrow I will send.” He recites, reluctantly letting go of Craig’s hand.

“So thrive my soul.”

“A thousand times goodnight!” 

“A thousand times worse, to want thy light!” Craig calls, grinning at the way Tweek giggles, sliding the door shut. He waves to Craig before blowing a kiss which he mimes catching and placing over his heart. 

He hesitantly nods and turns, disappearing into his house.

It’s funny to think that no matter how reckless and wild Tweek may be, he’s still just a teenage boy who gets giddy over first kisses and confessions. 

He stares at the empty space where Tweek was for a minute before turning and climbing back over the fence. 

He should take chances like this more often.

Tweek jogs over to their lunch table, setting his tray down. He’s wearing a blood red shirt with frilly sleeves tucked into black skinny jeans. The shirt compliments his nails well. 

“ _Privet_.”

The guys all greet Tweek who wastes no time swatting Craig’s arms out of the way so he can climb into his lap and lace their fingers together.

“Tweek, I can’t eat.”

“You don’t need to. I will be your sustenance,” he gestures to himself in a mockingly elegant motion. “Let lips do what hands do.” He quotes, leaning in to kiss Craig on the lips.

The guys scoff and gag in disgust.

“R-R-Romeo, Oh Romeo, wh-wherefore art thou, Romeo.” Jimmy says in a thick southern accent.

Clyde raises his arm up. “I’m right’chere!” He responds in the same accent.

The group laughs at it, even Craig and Tweek.

Ever since they found out about their Romeo and Juliet sitch, they’d been quoting that Andy Griffith retelling of the story every time they make a reference.

Craig looks at Tweek adoringly, wrapping his free arm around his waist.

“God you guys are gross.” Token rolls his eyes.

“Oh, come _on_ ,” Clyde scoffs. “You act like when you and Nichole first started dating you weren’t just as bad.”

“Yeah, but this time I’m subjected to it. And from Craig, no less! Out of all of the people I expected to experience this from, Craig wasn’t one of them.” He argues.

“Just what is that supposed to mean?” He huffs, his boyfriend snickering.

“Not that you aren’t likeable!” He holds his hands up in defense. “You just.. didn’t seem very affectionate.” He shrugs.

“What can I say? Tweek brings out a lot of things in me I didn’t know I had.” 

“I love you.” Tweek sighs, wrapping his arms around Craig’s neck and kissing him.

Once again they’re met with a chorus of groans. 

“I think Craig and T-Tweek might be worse than you and Nichole. Not that they aren’t c-c-cu- adorable, but it’s exhausting when they’re gaying up the place all the time.” Jimmy stutters out.

“Ah,” Tweek holds up his index finger, reaching into his bag and pulling out a packet of paper, displaying it proudly. “I did good.”

He got his exam back today, smiling brightly at the large letter A written across the corner. 

The guys all clap loudly for him, Craig kissing his cheek. 

“You’re improving a bunch. I’m proud of you, honey.” 

“ _Spasiba_. I have good teacher.” 

“Me or your actual teacher?” He jokes.

“You, of course. Actual teacher is shit.” He says honestly, causing everyone to erupt into laughter.

“No, seriously! Everything is anecdote or analogy. So much useless information makes it boring. Tedious.” He sighs exasperatedly, tucking his exam back into his bag.

Tweek’s blatant honesty is what makes the guys find him funny. 

“You, my love,” he continues. “Are straightforward. Easy to keep up with.”

“Maintain that energy during tutoring, why don’t you?” He teases.

“I’ll think about it.”

Craig squeezes his waist. Deciding to tutor for money was one of the best decisions he’s ever made. Tweek is his arsonist, his artist and his poet. 

Because of him, he knows how to take chances no matter the possible outcome. He ended up taking the most important chance of his life thanks to him, and he’ll continue taking them. He’ll take thousands, millions even, if only for his arsonist.

_ Carpe diem. _

**Author's Note:**

> How did you like it?? Please leave a comment and let me know 😳 I’ll kiss you.  
> It’s not really my best and the ending is a little janky buuuut I hope it’s okay!


End file.
